Hey, guys...I hope everyone is doing well. I've been gone for a while but I'm back to sort of normal now.

The update on my Granny is that she passed away 8/27/08. My Granddad phoned at 2am after I left the hospital and asked everyone to come back. She died surrounded by all of her children, grand children and her husband. Though my life was torn apart and will remain a bit shattered I truly feel blessed that I got to share that moment with my family.

Since I've returned home I've been really sick as well. My wisdom teeth became infected and I've been boughting that. I didn't know how terribly painful a toothache can be. So now I have to go in for oral surgery every week in October. The only good thing I can find about it is that I may lose the weight I gained while engorging myself over my time spent at home.

So that's pretty much it...It's been a rough patch but I'm working through it.

I hope this blog finds everyone healthy, happy and loved...

Kimberly

So that's the news...All the doctor could really tell us is that my Gran is in God's hands now.

The mass is a glioma which is located on the pans just at the base of the skull next to the spinal cord. It is like the hard drive of the computer. That is why she can't swallow, can't walk and her speech is like an old drunk...(She would laugh at that, otherwise I wouldn't have put it that way.)

We are now waiting on a PET scan to help with staging. From there we will decide whether or not to go foward with radiation. The best they can say is up that we could possible have six more months with therapy.

So that's it. I've devised a schedule to be with her five days a week. And I'll soak up every smile, laugh, joke and cursing I can get. I've never gotten more satisfaction from one more day than I have this week. I told God that I have laid her at his feet and that no matter what decision he makes, whether to heal her or to take her, I know that it is the right one. I may not understand it now but someday I will...

I've been blessed with 28 years of a loving, spunky, fun and exciting Granny...I have chosen not to take that blessing lightly or be selfish. I will enjoy every minute I have left and make sure she knows how loved and appreciated she is...

Thank you all for your prayers and I hope you continue praying and I'll keep you posted on our journey...

So just a quick update on my Gran.

The doctors have ruled out that she has had a stroke. They have found a mass on her brain which is causing all of her neurological problems. She is scheduled for another spec scan this morning because they still don't know what this mass is. Also since she is unable to swallow they are putting in a feeding tube today as well. When I was with her last night she was unresponsive which has just about killed me.

So I'm just putting the word out there that my family needs all the prayer possible. We've got a long road ahead of us and we would appreciate all the support we can get.

Thanks to everyone...

Much Love~Kimberly

So this is pretty much an update on my Gran...She was supposed to have surgery for the mass in her throat tomorrow but has taken a turn for the worse today. I spoke with my grandfather and the doctors think she has had a stroke. I spoke with her but her speech is just below comprehension. My grandfather said that he has to carry her everywhere because she can't walk at all.

I'm not doing that great going back and forth between bouts of anger and sadness. Fighting with myself about whether I should head back home or not. I want to stay optomistic but know all too well the other side of the coin.

I can't figure out why doctors sent her home. I'm not a doctor but I do have a degree in nursing and know the symptoms of a stroke when I see one. Her weakness along with the difficulty in swallowing even water make for a combination that is almost certainly something that needs to be attended to more than what my grandfather is capable of. I've never heard of a hospital that sees the signs of a stroke and just sends someone home. They did an MRI and a doppler but had no radiologist there to read them. In the meantime let my grandmother possibly expire at home while we wait. I don't understand why a hospital does not see it as a liability to provide inadequate care. If you cannot treat a problem accept that fact and transfer them to somewhere that can. And people wonder why I left the medical profession after seven years...Money means nothing if you cannot provide the level of care you believe your patients deserve.

Sorry for my venting rampage...I'm so tired, so angry, so scared it isn't even funny...I'll keep you guys updated. Keep praying please...If God can't help her I'm not sure who will...

So yesterday after work I came home, swept and mopped the whole house, baked cookies, scrubbed the bathrooms and then made dinner and packed my husbands lunch for the next day...I know that's probably considered normal for most wives but it's new to me. The scary part is that I did it subconciously. It was just the normal thing to do...

I'm not quite sure what happened to the girl who would come home, maybe, hit the bar with her friends, wake up with a hangover and drudge through the whole next day. You know the girl who only cared about her house being spotless if company was coming and company did not include your friend because they could care less. The girl who's primary content in the fridge was beer, liquor and mixers.

I always told my grandmother growing up, "I want to be just like you." Scary thing is it's coming true. Not that it's a bad thing, I'm just coming in to a new era in this ride called life.

So if this is my lot I just pray that I'll be blessed with strong, intelligent, successful children like my grandmother. That my marraige will still sustain a beautiful friendship like my grandparents have had for sixty years. And that I can be as amazing of a person as she is. She has never driven but somehow has managed to take care of everyone in the community when they were going through hard times.

So here's to you Gran and the mini-me following in your footsteps...