I’m no good at faking it. This was painfully clear today. I was subject to one of those parental days of obligation at my kids’ school. They had a function. It’s a big to do, and pretty much everyone volunteers in some capacity.

Among the parents at the school, I am a complete misfit toy- I just don’t fit in! (See my recent post for details http://therapyfortena.blogspot.com/2008/05/i-belong-on-other-side-of-tracks.html: )

I don’t look that different, I mean, I’m presentable (when I want to be), relatively speaking- OK-, I showered. I’m somewhat normal, at least to outsiders, that don’t know my quirks and my hangups, I can hold a conversation- OK- I don’t stutter or spit when I talk.

I’m not one of those social butterflies. You know, the people that can slip into to any situation, any group of people, talk to anyone, never met a stranger, chatting it up , throwing their head back in laughter, yeah, I’m not one of those. I’m much more reserved. I’m the one that stands about 5 feet back and listens in. I’ve always been the type that had to be really comfortable to let loose and be myself. I have a knack for blending in- wallflower comes to mind.

Blogging has brought about another angle of my inabilty to fake. I have discovered many blogs. The witty and sarcastic ones have become my favorite. It seems like some bloggers can make anything funny! I have tried my hand at some humorous commentary in my posts, but it’s really not me. Who am i kiddin? It’s a trainwreck! I’m a total poser.

While commenting on a post by Huckdoll, I was reminded of another way that I am unable to fake it. I’m not cool or original. No matter how hard I try, I am dull and humdrum. When commenting, it’s well thought out and agonized over, it never just comes to me and if it does I second guess it. I am thoroughly analytical and let’s face it, that’s just not cool.

When I was in school I wished I was popular and outgoing. I wish I was the life of the party and could make people laugh. I wish I was cool- so cool that I didn’t care about any of the previously mentioned. I’ve always referred to it as being fake- not others, but me. If I were to be any of these things it would be forced and, to me, that would be faking it.

So I will stay true by myself here in my corner and write the occasional introspective post minus the lame attemtpts at comical interjection. I will continue to think far too much upon commenting and I will not be giving Huckdoll a run for her money in the coolness factor anytime soon.