It’s official: I have become domesticated. I suppose I was aware of this by the fact that:

1.) I am a stay at home mom to four kids

2.)I love to clean, bake and garden

3.)I don’t go to movies- and I watch far too much television

4.) I don’t get out much without kids- maybe to a PTA meeting once a month

5.) My idea of a good night is watching American Idol with my family and a bowl of popcorn

The thing I wasn’t aware of, is how that can be taken as a negative to those in the outside working world that have actual “jobs”. It became strikingly clear to me this weekend.

I hadn’t kept in touch with any of my friends from high school. I was afforded luxuries that they weren’t. I was able to go away to college, get an education, sow my wild oats and live it up. Shorlty after my return, I was able to start a career, got married, and had my first child. I have always felt lucky for the way my life has worked out. I feel fortunate that I had opportunities growing up and that I have been able to make the conscious choice to be a stay at home mom for the last 10 years.

Two of my best friends, on the other hand, were from large families of modest means and their lives took different paths. They spent much of high school working and babysitting to help out their families financially. One had a child at 18 years old. The other was involved in a bad marriage just after graduation and eventually left him to become a struggling single mother. Neither attended college and both joined the work force right out of high school.

I recently contacted these old school friends. This weekend we got together for a visit. It is the first time we have seen each other in 18+ years! I wasn’t nervous- it didn’t even cross my mind. I expected the night to be a fun night of reminscing.

The discomfort of the evening was deafening. Not only did we NOT have anything in common, we disagreed on every subject. Both of them are working moms. They go out for happy hour every Friday. They go shopping without their kids. They allow their kids stay up at all hours on the weekends. They buy clothes, shoes, and jewelry for themselves.

There are followers and leaders. In our group of friends, I was the leader. The one that made the plans, the crazy one that was always ready to go out and be the life of the party. My talk of my kids and domestic issues, I can say with certainty, disappointed them.

Since I have taken on this role, I have befriended other stay at home moms (and dads). I now know why. The issues that I deal with are trivial and mundane to working moms, but other stay at home moms get me. I usually feel somewhat proud to announce my home status- some would consider it an admirable decision to make. This weekend, I felt I had to defend my choice.

I think they judged me for the complacent homebody I had become. I don’t want to say I judged them for their inactivity in their kids’ lives or their overactive social lives, but maybe as a defense mechanism, I did a little.

Putting it all into perspective, though, I realized that they were now getting their chance to live it up. We had really just switched roles. Although I felt thoroughly defeated with our lack of connection and their depiction of my “boring” life, deep down, I was glad for them.