And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends,
but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends, and get rid of all
but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how come a slim chance and a fat chance be the same.
While a wise man and wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which you house can burn up as it burns down.
In which you fill in a form, by filling it out.
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father if Pop,
How come Mother's not Mop?