You're so suburban if:
Your lawn mower is more powerful than your first car.

Your kids have never crossed the street at a stoplight.

You have the luxury of a two-car garage, but the cars don't fit in it. —Cathy Polacek

You built a shed to house your Christmas decorations. —Cathy Polacek

Your commute is twice as long as what you tell people it is. —Harriet Russo

You pick your dog's haircut out of a magazine. —Jessica Cadwalleader

You drive your van a block to get milk.

You always return your grocery cart to the cart rack.

You have no idea if your town has a public bus service.

Your most recent night out was a parent/teacher conference.

You sometimes refer to summer as "garage sale season." —Angela Ferina

Your mortgage could balance the national debt in a third-world country.

You have ADT, a rottweiller, and motion-detector lights, but no curtains on your window.

You jog five miles a day but spend 30 minutes waiting for a closer parking space at the mall.
—You're So Suburban If … ," Suburban Focus (April 2002), pp. 6–8, 15, 26, 28

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